I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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