Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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