Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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