My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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