I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
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I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
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Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
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