So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize