now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize