Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
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Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
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Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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