I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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