Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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