My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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