if you like me you must not know who I am
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
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Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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