do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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