Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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