His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Mom said you looked used
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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