those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
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Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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