Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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