just survived the first fart of the relationship.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
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sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
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Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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