there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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