I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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