Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
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He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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