i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize