I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
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This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
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I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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