It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize