ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize