You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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