just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
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i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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