What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You can't special order awesome
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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