This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
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So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
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The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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