It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize