i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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