did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
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There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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