Have you finally orgasmed yet?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
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I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize