I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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