I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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