his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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