Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize