I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize