"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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