took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize