bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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