u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
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Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
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And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
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