Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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