I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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