i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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