Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
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We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
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We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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