My hair reeks of homosexuality.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
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I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
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I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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