happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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