help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm both gender and math confused
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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