addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
operation harelip BJ is a go
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
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Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
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The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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